February HAPPINESS PROJECT

Since it is the end of February and I haven't listed my projects, I thought maybe today would be a great day to reflect on the months events according to 'The Happiness Project'


Tasks of the month include:

1. Quit nagging
2. Don't expect praise or appreciation
3. Fight right
4. No dumping
5. Give Proofs of love


I loved this chapter for several reasons. Mostly because studying marriage/relationships has all but taken over my life since last October. I went to a class called 'Celebrating Men Satisfying Women' This was a Saturday-Sunday class all about how society has changed women s relationships with men. Unfortunately, our relationships are greatly skewed, but the class offered great advice on how we can fix it. Some of the things that I learned-

Women are very powerful and sometimes we use our power for the wrong reasons.


Examples:

We take a mans power away by:
-with holding sex
-Criticizing them (i.e. Whats wrong with you???)
- We roll our eyes ( Yes, its true the only person who hates this more than your mom is your spouse.)
- Nothing is good enough (i.e. not being impressed, comparing to other men (especially dad), mothering them, interrupting them.


The better attitude is to empower men, especially our significant other since we chose them to be our prince charming, let them fill the job they intend to do.

To learn more about the amazing classes that I have taken and also some freebies, go to http://www.understandmen.com/ Click on the "freebies" tab for some nuggets of wisdom.


So back to the list of February's projects

QUIT NAGGING

Dr Robert Lund suggests that we women need to put a specific time line on what we ask our men to do.

For example " Jarom will you take the garbage out after dinner?"
Not "Jarom will you take the garbage out when you get a free second?"

Men are happy to do what we ask them ( especially when we ask nicely and maybe give 'em a little smoochie) because they thrive on seeing us happy.

Have you heard they saying "happy wife, happy life"? well its true. Men need DIRECT communication. If you want them to make you happy tell them SPECIFICALLY what you want. Don't hint that the garbage needs to be taken out. Any guy will tell you that they will not pick up on hints. And NO the phrase " If he loved me more, he would know what I want." does NOT apply. So, ask directly and (might I add) sweetly. You will also be happier knowing that you are not a nag.


DON'T EXPECT PRAISE OR APPRECIATION.

This doesn't mean you don't get praise or appreciation it only means you better be willing to hand it out and recognize what your husband does do for you. That way they are willing to return the gesture. But here's the little thing we women tend to miss. Men do show appreciation in ways that are valid to them. i.e went to work today so that the family could have a roof over their head. or filled up your tank or changed your oil. SO IF YOU WANT SOMETHING OTHER THAN FUNCTIONAL APPRECIATION START WITH, " Honey (big sweet sincere smile) tell me how nice the house looks today since it took me all day to clean it" Be cute about it. P.s I did this this month and Jarom stopped in his tracks turned around and gave me a big hug and kissed me and said, " Honey the house looks amazing! thank you!" Oh how I love him.



FIGHT RIGHT

Choose your battles! Is it really that important to say, "honey you left you socks right next to the OPEN hamper!!!"(?) GROWL!! HISSSS!!! FANGS SHOWING!! No, Not worth it.

The reason I bring up the sound effects is because I hear these in my head when the fight is going to be petty.

I had many chances this month to practice this part of the project. Here's what happened. I had just finished cleaning the whole house, Minus laundry and it felt GOOD!! well just as I was about to leave a very clean Bathroom, Jarom came in and put his deodorant in there. (that wasn't the problem, it belongs in the bathroom) He put it in the wrong place in the bathroom!

GROWL! HISSSS! FANGS SHOWING!! "JAROM, I JUST FINISHED IN HERE!!! BAHHHHHHH" ......Poor guy.

Jarom- " but it goes in the bathroom..."

me- " I know but it goes right here!" (as I move it 6 inches to the left on the counter..... )

I know like I said I crashed and burned, but the next time an event happened I just bit my tongue. That hurt less than hurting my loves feelings/pride.

"An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth" -mark twain

Ok

NO DUMPING

I know that this is hard for women but let me explain. Men Listen, "what's the point? What's the problem?" Women Listen to AAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the details and then empathize. The problem with this is that men will try to fix it when your telling him about a bad day. This tends to make us angry and feel like he isn't listening. So either you need to say, "Honey I've had a really bad day I just need you to listen and then at the end say, "poor baby/ Oh honey that was a bad day/ what can I do to make it better." or go tell your girl friends about it. Because men cannot take rehashing a day over and over again. Women like to go over feelings and manners and oh how dare that happened. Men don't.

I did do this this month with Jarom. This is actually something that I learned in October at the 'celebrating men satisfying women' class. So I have had a little time to practice. The first few times are hard, but I promise the practice is worth it.

AND LASTLY, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY:

We tend to fall into routines of daily life; and forget that or spouse was once someone that we got butterflies thinking about. We couldn't wait to see them and what fun, exciting things you would do or say. Find that again if it has been lost.

My try for this month is well... none of your business. Let's just say Jarom liked it and it was a surprise.

Thanks for reading this way too long post. I cant wait to tell you about March!

"i una howd you"

Noa says the cutest things! I love that he has found his voice. His newest phrase is ," i una howd you" (i want to hold you)
Melts my heart every time. How do you say no to a kid that wants to hold you??

He also says, "i howd your han" and, "ina kiss" - he then runs as fast as he can to you and kisses whatever he can reach with his little lippies. On Jarom it's usually his knee , on myself its either my hand or hip.

Noa is now 2 and it feels like time has flown by! In the last 2 years I have watched a little person change and discover new things. I love that it reminds me that I am also a person changing and discovering, that we are never too old to change something and discover the treasures of life.

Back to Noa :)

Anyway, my dad told me that every stage of childhood is the cutest (notice he didn't say anything about the teenage years) when Noa was born. Kinda hard to comprehend when your holding a 7lb nothin' squishy baby in your arms. But, as always my daddy was right and every stage in Noa's short life has been the cutest!

Perfect person in my life to add to my happiness project.

The Happines Project

I have started a new book called, "The Happiness Project' By Gretchen Rubin. I casually picked it up at my mom's house one day and couldn't put it down. The conversation went like this.

Me- After inhaling the first chapter, "Mom, um are you done with this?" (pointing to the book)
Mom- "No I haven't started it."
Me- " Um..... can I borrow it?" (Fingers crossed behind my back... What she didn't know was that I was going to confiscate it whether she said yes or no. After all possession is 9/10ths of the law..... )
Mom- "Sure."
Me- "Sweet!"

The end

So a book full of projects that help us to expand our happiness scale.Sounds fun right? Actually some of the projects have been rather taxing; however very worth it.
January's projects:

1. Go to sleep earlier
2. Exercise Better
3. Toss, restore, organize.
4. Tackle a nagging task
5. Act more energetic.

So Mostly I have been going to sleep earlier ... ish I was crazy enough to sign up for the Provo half marathon June 11th. You will not believe What I have thrown out. (seriously, didn't think that I was a pack rat......) Tackled the nagging task of getting life insurance ANNNNNDDDD I don't even need to act more energetic, I actually do feel very energetic about all accomplished this month. (well last month, I started the book late.) Now onto February and I will post more about that later.

In doing this full year project I hope to indeed have a happier out look on life. I would like to be quite clear that no, I am not depressed. I just think that there can be more smiles, laughter, gratefulness, accomplishments and overall more sense of well being.

all my love,

Hil

P.S. I was once told that my Name means "happy" huh, go figure.